When my friend and Peace G. Adela, told me in tears over the phone that she had lost her boyfriend, her job and her home; I should have known that she was on her way to committing suicide. From the depth of her tears, my heart knew, but my mind was not able to see it.
I knew from the tone of her voice, she was hurting too deep to heal in the moment. Still i tried to sooth her. I should have spoken to Adela all night, but no, that was impossible, because I am in prison, and we are only allowed ten minute phone calls. I missed the signs, the cues, she never stopped sobbing the entire call. I should have known when Adela muttered that she was writing a letter to all her friends and family, telling them things she had always wanted to tell them.
I have no use for cell phones, because they are against the rule in prison, but that night, for one night only, if i could have stopped Adela from attempting suicide; to hell with that no cell phones in prison rule! I would have accepted the punishment with open heart and arms.
She posted her suicide letter on Facebook. I found the news out today when I called my sister Cheri. She gave me the details on her suicide attempt. Adela, had been rushed to a larger city hospital. We still don't know her condition. I only know, that she thought it's better to be dead, and that has caused a crack in my heart.
Adela's voice and flow was so sad on the phone. She told me she was sorry to burden me with her pain and sorrow. I told her there was no burden, we are friends, real and Peace G's. Friends are there in good and in bad times, sharing a hug, unconditionally. She was hurting so deep! How did I miss the cues When I feel the sighs of a baby sparrow, pigeon or a gosling, even before they are hatched.
I had hoped our brief exchange over the phone had made a difference. I could not call back, after I realized the depth of her words. She apologised for having a broken heart, soul and spirit. Adela does not need any tough love right now as she heals. She needs unconditional love from family, friends and Peace G's in the moment. She just needs love as she heals. She just needs love.
(written June 29)